October 5th, 2008

This is the worst day of my life. I broke the heart and trust of Nani :(.

I heard many incidents about boys who abuse girls when they reject their love and some people even gone mad and killed the girls.

I knew that Nani is not such a psycho. But what did I expect was, at least he hates me and expresses the same feeling on my face. But he burst into tears and left the place without uttering a word.

I curse myself to be rude at him and to break his heart. I know it is the biggest sin I have committed in my life. But I did not have a choice.

When we both were at Rishikonda, I could feel that somebody had been watching us. I felt very uncomfortable being there… and we left the place.

I could realize the consequence only when my uncle Manu reached our home on the next day. When he asked about my studies, I said I was doing good.

Later he asked about my friends. As I didn’t understand his intention behind that question, I took it normal and said they are fine.

Then he said “how is your boyfriend? Is he still in Vizag or left for his place?”. For a moment, I could not believe my ears.

To my surprise, he said he knew everything about our meets including our meet @ Durgam Cheruvu. He said that one of his friends saw me at Rishikonda and the same guy had seen me with Nani in Hyderabad.

He said that his friend had seen us spending together at Durgam Cheruvu.

I learnt from him that his friend was one of the bad boys we encountered at Durgam Cheruvu, I started to beg him not to say this to my parents.

Then he said “do you know how respectable are your parents at your native place? Do you know the consequences of your foolish act? Can you imagine your parents’ situation if you marry a guy who doesn’t belong to our community? Do you expect that someone comes out of this world to marry your younger sister if you marry that guy?”

I didn’t have answer to any of his questions.. I started to weep.

Then again he said “see, you are not a child to slap… you are not adult to explain in words… but one thing is sure. If you marry that boy, your parents would not live anymore. They would commit suicide. Now the choice is yours. Choose only one thing between your love and your parents.”

In that evening, my mother came to me and said that one of my school teachers had met her and praised about me and my attitude.

He saw me for the last time when I was in my 10th class. My mother told that she’s proud of me.

I didn’t know how to respond. I cannot leave Nani but at the same time, I cannot live without my parents.

It all happened because of me… it was me who had grown hopes in Nani. It was me who had met Nani in Hyderabad. It was me who did not think about our socio-religious conditions.

I don’t know whether the words of my uncle are part of emotional blackmail or not… but the only thing I know is, if I do any mistake, my sister Nidhi and my parents have to pay for it.

Finally I decided to sacrifice my love. I don’t think that Nani would listen to my words if tell him with a soft tone. He will even try to meet my parents to convince them for our marriage. If he meets my parents, my uncle will not leave him safe. So, I decided to break his love… and wanted him to hate me.

For that I asked my uncle to act as my boyfriend… he agreed readily because he was happy that Nani would be wiped off my life.

I met my friends and told them to project me bad when Nani meets them. Manu, my uncle and my friend Mohan have done their job.

But it was me who hurt my love the most… I behaved like a bi^#&. I bought a pair of western casuals (I said to Nani that I don’t like western wear so as he) and had worn them when I met him.

He was surprised to see me in western attire but did not pay much attention to that as he had something serious to worry about… it’s our love. When he tried to express his feelings and told how much he loves me, I was moved from the bottom of my heart. But I didn’t show any of the expressions on my face and had spoken with an irritated voice and asked him to say something new. I wonder how my heart became so hard like a rock.

Finally he said his last words and left the place with tears in eyes.

I could not control sorrow anymore when Nani broken into tears… I collapsed in the beach after his departure

I am the most unlucky girl on this earth to miss such a nice guy. I don’t know if I have done the right thing by choosing my parents. But I am very sure that I’ve committed the biggest mistake by breaking Nani’s heart. I will not say that I don’t know that my parents would not agree for our marriage. I knew that they won’t agree… but I thought that I could convince them for our marriage.

Now I am leading a life which is not mine. I am married to a person who never cares about me or my feelings. But I don’t feel bad to be with such person. I deserve this miserable life.

Here I urge all girls not to fall in love if you think you can’t convince your parents for your marriage. Please do not play with peoples’ emotions. All the guys would not be like Nani. There will be some guys who even kill either you or themselves.

–Anu

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THE END